50th Birthday

Allow me a chance to remember...
because 50 YEARS ago today this world was given the gift
of a sassy and loving little red-haired girl.

Her name was Candice Ann Person.

I wasn't born yet, but I can tell from pictures that she lit up the world, even way back then!

She was 4 & 9 months old when her spunky little sister was born... another red-head.

That was a gift from God, as we were known as the "hair sisters" and it is a special connection that I have with Candi, and Candi alone.  I love this Halloween picture because there is just so much here... the plastic mask costumes and Candi's hand around my shoulder (as it always was)!

I want it to be noted, by the way, that I was the originator of the official scrapbook😉.

My own creation for Candi's 18th birthday... complete with hand-written quotes on each page

 The 80's Girl Scout... and look at that beautiful red hair!

Ahhhh, the beginnings of the Farrah Faucet hair do...

and look at that cassette tape recorder!  

Easter memories are the best for me...

and I think maybe Candi was trying to give me the Farrah hair-do here as well😉

Again, look at that hair... I wanted to be her so badly!

Here she is next to that fateful truck... but what I love about this picture is I remember how proud of her braid/bun she was!  The belt, the rainbow bag, the bracelet, the pink pants... so much to love here!

I will always treasure these pictures because I can remember the exact day that she got the call, on our answering machine... she got the part of Lucy in HJHS's production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown."   After hearing the message she ran over to me, picked me up and started laughing-crying-hugging me.  It's a memory embedded in my heart forever!

Her Flag and Banner years... she was so happy to be performing and dancing!

I ache in the fact that I might have had a forever dance buddy all these years.

This was Candi's 9th grade awards ceremony at HJHS.  I remember how happy she was this day, and she was so beautiful!  Look at all of the 80's fashion in this picture!!

She loved being in beauty pageants.... not because of the beauty aspect... but because she was brave and she loved to perform.  She wanted to be Barbara Walters one day.   She was told exposure was important, even at a young age.  Here she is after winning Miss Teen Hemet Supreme Beauty and then in the Miss California pageant in Palo Alto... she made it to the top 5 in that pageant!

I still have her crown from the Miss Teen Hemet beauty pageant... on top of a Pippi Longstocking doll (because her and I wore that costume well!) and her last bottle of perfume.

This is me and Candi, with Devil's Postpile behind us.  It has special meaning to me, not because we got lost on our hike and had to be rescued by a Ranger (they were about to send out helicopters to find us, it was that scary for my parents)... but because Candi and I just hiked and talked and hiked and talked like we were best friends.  I was so young for most of Candi's life... I was only 13 when she died, so to have this memory of us just talking like friends is something I will always hold on to... and I often dream of how we would have been adult sisters and friends.  And it breaks my heart.

Being a cheerleader was a dream of hers from an early age... she tried out for 4 years straight, and only made it her Senior year.  But what a gift.  She lit up that side line... she was meant to be there and the crowd knew it!

The year after she graduated she was my Flag and Banner coach at HJHS... I was definitely trying to follow in her footsteps... what a beauty she was!

See?  I wanted to be like her... I am definitely the shy one of our duo,
but I loved to watch her dance and I soon learned to love to perform as well.

These smiles of hers... they were so real and so passionate.

I have a hard time remembering what her laugh sounded like,
but I look at these pictures and I remember how much her laugh was infectious!

Her and Curt were the best of friends/cousins. 
Candi was the first of 11 cousins, Curt was next... and the list goes on. 
I looked up to these two my whole life, and I suppose in a way, I always will.

The last picture we have of Candi... she was trying out a new hairstyle and I loved it! 

I tried to replicate it soon after... but somehow, everything just looked better on her:)

There is no remembering Candi without this picture, unfortunately.  It's a part of her story. 

The worst part, but a part none the less.

Funny how life has a way of intertwining... 

I had written this poem into Candi's scrapbook gift... it was the very last poem in the book. 

by Emily Dickenson

I did pour over the words and choose is specifically... mostly because she had graduated high school and was "moving on" with her life.  Never would I have imagined that within the year I would read this poem at her memorial service, feeling that the words ironically fit her death.

Candi enjoyed poems by Emily Dickenson, a big reason why I chose so many for her scrapbook.

Fast forward to 1997 when I was chosen to speak at my college graduation.  I had my English Professor, Sig Schwarz, help me edit my speech.  He felt like it need a short stanza from a poem. 

He looked around his office, not knowing my connection to Emily Dickenson, and brought me a book of her poems.  I began to cry and told him how I felt like it was such an amazing moment for him to have picked a book like this.  

He smiled, began to write something in the cover of the book and told me he wanted me to have this book...

and I will forever cherish his inscription.

What do you do with memories... 

sit with them,

hold onto them,

pour over them,

ache through them,

laugh and cry over them? 

All the above, I think. 

You see, I was given a gift in Candi.  The pain of losing her in such a tragic and unexpected way broke me as a person.  It's the kind of break that can't be fixed this side of heaven.  It has shaped the person I am, it has filtered the way I experience this world, it has affected the way I give and receive love...  and it has been with me every single second since April 14, 1989.

They are trinkets that are mine and mine alone.

  Alone. 

It's a funny word, as it has followed me most of my life. 

Yet, in many ways, it makes me feel closer to Candi.  Because when I am alone, I feel like I hear God's soft voice telling me that I am loved... and that He gave me Candi to let me know just how much he loves me.  He gave me a sister, a Big Red, the first earthly example of what God with skin feels like, the first person who looked in my eyes and knew me better than anyone else... and the last person to ever hug me to the point of crying my soul out. 

This is God's kind of love, and He first gave it to me in Candi.