Wednesday, July 8, 2020

50th Birthday

Allow me a chance to remember...
because 50 YEARS ago today this world was given the gift
of a sassy and loving little red-haired girl.

Her name was Candice Ann Person.

I wasn't born yet, but I can tell from pictures that she lit up the world, even way back then!

She was 4 & 9 months old when her spunky little sister was born... another red-head.

That was a gift from God, as we were known as the "hair sisters" and it is a special connection that I have with Candi, and Candi alone.  I love this Halloween picture because there is just so much here... the plastic mask costumes and Candi's hand around my shoulder (as it always was)!

I want it to be noted, by the way, that I was the originator of the official scrapbook😉.
My own creation for Candi's 18th birthday... complete with hand-written quotes on each page

 The 80's Girl Scout... and look at that beautiful red hair!

Ahhhh, the beginnings of the Farrah Faucet hair do...
and look at that cassette tape recorder!  

Easter memories are the best for me...
and I think maybe Candi was trying to give me the Farrah hair-do here as well😉

Again, look at that hair... I wanted to be her so badly!

Here she is next to that fateful truck... but what I love about this picture is I remember how proud of her braid/bun she was!  The belt, the rainbow bag, the bracelet, the pink pants... so much to love here!

I will always treasure these pictures because I can remember the exact day that she got the call, on our answering machine... she got the part of Lucy in HJHS's production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown."   After hearing the message she ran over to me, picked me up and started laughing-crying-hugging me.  It's a memory embedded in my heart forever!

Her Flag and Banner years... she was so happy to be performing and dancing!
I ache in the fact that I might have had a forever dance buddy all these years.

This was Candi's 9th grade awards ceremony at HJHS.  I remember how happy she was this day, and she was so beautiful!  Look at all of the 80's fashion in this picture!!

She loved being in beauty pageants.... not because of the beauty aspect... but because she was brave and she loved to perform.  She wanted to be Barbara Walters one day.   She was told exposure was important, even at a young age.  Here she is after winning Miss Teen Hemet Supreme Beauty and then in the Miss California pageant in Palo Alto... she made it to the top 5 in that pageant!

I still have her crown from the Miss Teen Hemet beauty pageant... on top of a Pippi Longstocking doll (because her and I wore that costume well!) and her last bottle of perfume.

This is me and Candi, with Devil's Postpile behind us.  It has special meaning to me, not because we got lost on our hike and had to be rescued by a Ranger (they were about to send out helicopters to find us, it was that scary for my parents)... but because Candi and I just hiked and talked and hiked and talked like we were best friends.  I was so young for most of Candi's life... I was only 13 when she died, so to have this memory of us just talking like friends is something I will always hold on to... and I often dream of how we would have been adult sisters and friends.  And it breaks my heart.

Being a cheerleader was a dream of hers from an early age... she tried out for 4 years straight, and only made it her Senior year.  But what a gift.  She lit up that side line... she was meant to be there and the crowd knew it!

The year after she graduated she was my Flag and Banner coach at HJHS... I was definitely trying to follow in her footsteps... what a beauty she was!

See?  I wanted to be like her... I am definitely the shy one of our duo,
but I loved to watch her dance and I soon learned to love to perform as well.

These smiles of hers... they were so real and so passionate.

I have a hard time remembering what her laugh sounded like,
but I look at these pictures and I remember how much her laugh was infectious!

Her and Curt were the best of friends/cousins. 
Candi was the first of 11 cousins, Curt was next... and the list goes on. 
I looked up to these two my whole life, and I suppose in a way, I always will.

The last picture we have of Candi... she was trying out a new hairstyle and I loved it! 
I tried to replicate it soon after... but somehow, everything just looked better on her:)

There is no remembering Candi without this picture, unfortunately.  It's a part of her story. 
The worst part, but a part none the less.

Funny how life has a way of intertwining... 

I had written this poem into Candi's scrapbook gift... it was the very last poem in the book. 
by Emily Dickenson

I did pour over the words and choose is specifically... mostly because she had graduated high school and was "moving on" with her life.  Never would I have imagined that within the year I would read this poem at her memorial service, feeling that the words ironically fit her death.

Candi enjoyed poems by Emily Dickenson, a big reason why I chose so many for her scrapbook.

Fast forward to 1997 when I was chosen to speak at my college graduation.  I had my English Professor, Sig Schwarz, help me edit my speech.  He felt like it need a short stanza from a poem. 

He looked around his office, not knowing my connection to Emily Dickenson, and brought me a book of her poems.  I began to cry and told him how I felt like it was such an amazing moment for him to have picked a book like this.  

He smiled, began to write something in the cover of the book and told me he wanted me to have this book...
and I will forever cherish his inscription.

What do you do with memories... 

sit with them,
hold onto them,
pour over them,
ache through them,
laugh and cry over them? 

All the above, I think. 

You see, I was given a gift in Candi.  The pain of losing her in such a tragic and unexpected way broke me as a person.  It's the kind of break that can't be fixed this side of heaven.  It has shaped the person I am, it has filtered the way I experience this world, it has affected the way I give and receive love...  and it has been with me every single second since April 14, 1989.

They are trinkets that are mine and mine alone.

  Alone. 

It's a funny word, as it has followed me most of my life. 

Yet, in many ways, it makes me feel closer to Candi.  Because when I am alone, I feel like I hear God's soft voice telling me that I am loved... and that He gave me Candi to let me know just how much he loves me.  He gave me a sister, a Big Red, the first earthly example of what God with skin feels like, the first person who looked in my eyes and knew me better than anyone else... and the last person to ever hug me to the point of crying my soul out. 

This is God's kind of love, and He first gave it to me in Candi.

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

A New Memory

I was looking through some old videos that we had from Candi's time as a cheerleader in high school.

The 1987 football team was 9-0... and they had an away game at Ramona High School.This game would decide a perfect season, or not.

Candi couldn't ride the bus with the cheerleaders or the band... so she was there when the game started, all alone!!!  She asked me to go on the field with her, a fact I had forgotten until yesterday!

The cheerleaders and band buses didn't arrive until after the 3rd or 4th play of the game... and were they AMAZING PLAYS!!!

In fact, Candi got to run down the end zone... just her... when Jeff Scott ran back a Kick-off for a touchdown!  Woohooo!!!  I still remember the excitement from that game!  AND they won to end their '87 season 10-0, a perfect season.

I just hadn't remembered she asked me to be on the field with her... until now.
She also let me wear her Letterman's jacket😍

Thank you for the memory God!

Thursday, April 14, 2016

1989

I put a scrunchie on my wrist
and I celebrated this very special day like it was 1989!!!
PhotoGrid_1460640262171

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

26 years

I don't have many pictures of you in your last years on earth...
but gosh, you were pretty!
26 years is a long time to miss you!
I'll be turning 40 in six days.  I wish you were here.
I bet you would be making a big deal out of my 40th,
and I bet I would have made a big deal out of your 40th. 
That's the kind of thing sisters do for each other! 

You know the old saying, "Better to have loved and lost,
than to have never loved at all."
I think that saying is true for sure...
but it sure does hurt!

Love you sister.
April 14.
That's your day of remembrance.


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Happy Birthday!

44 years.  

I’ve looked at this picture of you a thousand times, if not more.  Thought I would post it today.  You posing in front of Hanauma Bay in 1985/6…

10524323_10202926379695069_9141001552997943744_n

and a picture I took just a few weeks ago…

_DSC0877

You will always be missed Big Red.

Always!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

24 Years…

… seems like yesterday in so many ways!
_DSC3834-2
July 8, 1970 - April 14, 1989

Today I remember you with a heavy heart,
but a heart full of love and memories!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

National Sibling Day

I don’t need a special day to remember you… I remember you every day of my life!  But I will take any day, dedicated to siblings…. because you were my sister and my best friend!

I love this picture… not sure how old we were, but I love how you are smiling at me as I opened my present…. WooHoo…. check out that striped shirt!sistersThis was a cake you made for Mom and Dad’s 13th Anniversary…
you are so proud of your work, and I remember how much we laughed that night!  And obviously I was still laughing when we took this shot!anniversary cake
This picture is precious to me… and there’s a story here.
See the little white bunny I am holding…. Candi bought it for me and was hiding it in the garage to give me for Christmas!  Little did she know, her little sister had snuck in the garage and found the surprise ahead of time.  ooops:)    But what Candi didn’t know, is that my mom and dad had bought her the little black bunny for Christmas!  Surprise!!!!!bunnies
Then this final picture…. this will forever hold a special place in my heart.  I made her the “FIRST EVER” scrapbook for her 18th Birthday!  I put pictures of her from baby to high school, inserted poems and sayings throughout… and felt so proud of the love I had poured into this present.  Candi had always given me SO much love in my lifetime, and I was just beginning to learn how to SHOW her how much I loved her!!!   I treasure this book to this day…. little did I know it would soon serve to be a remembrance book, for me, of the sister I once had and loved.candi's book
Happy Sibling day to the BEST SISTER in the world!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Happy Birthday….

I miss your smile.
candi-reunion2
It’s your birthday today.
You would have been 42 years old today.
You’ve been gone for 23 years.
How is that possible that you’ve been gone much longer
than you were ever here on earth?
Why do I still miss you so much?
I ache for you so often… yet life always goes on.

Just wanted to say.. I miss you!
Happy Birthday to the best friend I’ve EVER had!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Always Remembering…

April 14th is a day I wish I didn’t remember…
sometimes I wish it could just come and go without any reminder of what took place so many years ago… 23 years ago, to be exact!

But then I stop and I thank God for a day to remember Candi… to call upon memories of our life as sisters. Big Red and little red… that was us!
014

These are some bits of love and reminders that I look at almost everyday…
we got to share things like dressing up like Pippi, WITHOUT hair coloring!
We were both proud Hemet High Bulldogs!!! I love to see our Senior year cheerleading pictures side by side! Your favorite perfume, your bells that you loved so much. I wish there was more, but I am thankful for what I have!

I love you today Candi. and everyday of my life!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Happy Birthday, my sister!


I wish you were here so we could sing you Happy Birthday and give you birthday hugs... but I will be celebrating in my heart all day long. I am so glad you were born 41 years ago. I was given the gift of a sister... and you'll always be my "Big Red"!
With love,
"Little Red"

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I miss you

This is the last picture ever taken of you in your short life.


Oh, how I miss your smile, your hugs, your laughter.



I prayed to God this morning, and in my tears of honesty I asked God why you had to go. I wish I knew. I have a Candi-sized hole in my heart. No one can fill it, and I MISS YOU!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

21 years...


21 years ago this road site changed our lives forever.

Sometimes remembering Candi takes my breath away...
but I am so very thankful to have memories of my Big Red!

I cherish each and EVERY memory.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

We Missed You...

"The white candle with red ribbon in the reception room is in
rememberance of our beautiful daughter, Candice Ann.
Though her life was cut shorter than we would have liked,
her smile and her love will always be remembered."



Mom and Dad renewed their wedding vows.

You would have been so proud of them, Candi!

So much changed after you died...
and I know they wish you were here to see what has become of their lives.

They really missed you this day. I did, too.

I would have loved to have been standing with you as we watched Mom and Dad get remarried. Mom was so happy! She told me that she actually felt like a princess. Dad looked very handsome in his suit. He is so in love with Mom... more now than ever.

You would have loved it!

There was a moment while I was watching as Maggie stole the show, twirling and dancing and clapping as everyone laughed, and loved, and watched... I just imagined you running out to the dance floor and joining Maggie. I think you two would have been really good buddies.

Oh, how I missed you that day. And every day.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Loving You Still...

April 14, 1989- April 14, 2009
20 YEARS

Many people may not know the whole story of Candi's death. She fell asleep while driving, crossed over the center line on a 2-lane expressway. The other car that Candi hit was filled with family members.

This is Carrie, my cousin.
She was in the other car.


It's amazing, after 20 years, most people would think our grieving would be complete... but it never really is over.

This was the first time we had been back to where we spread her ashes. This was the first time we talked with Carrie about the accident. This was the first time we celebrated Candi with some of her friends. It was a beautiful celebration!


This is where we spread Candi's ashes 20 years ago..

A hug in rememberance... oh, how we miss you Candi!


Then later we were able to hang out with 3 of Candi's friends from Hemet High, and a friend of mine from Hemet High!
Back row: Isa, Ellen, Cheryl and Sharon
Front Row: Heidi, Mary



A moment to toast the most beautiful Red-Head to have ever lived!


This is for you, Candi... we miss you so much.